Due to a client’s Facebook page getting hacked and used for cybersecurity fraud, I spent May 19 through June 18 on what Facebook ambiguously called a “temporary restriction” from advertising.
Creating Facebook ads is 90% of my livelihood.
Losing advertising privileges showed me how fragile my occupation is. It made me evaluate my career, my goals, my identity, my priorities, my legacy, and even the promises & platitudes of my faith.
The last month was harder for me than the weeks when I prepared to confront an abuser, switch faith systems, offer eulogies, and recover from 5-figure financial surprises. The uncertainty and lack of agency made it hard for me to sleep. I dropped 8 pounds—my anxiety stealing my appetite. I lost thousands of dollars in income after referring work to other vendors.
All of that was worth it for what I learned in the process. I’ve rarely felt as profoundly accepted as I have during this ordeal. I discovered that the roots of my relationships go far deeper than I knew. The messages and prayers of my friends & family surprised me. Their specific declarations led me to blurt through tears to my therapist, “What if [what my friends are saying about me] is true!?” I’m still struggling to absorb this affirmation—to believe that reality.
With advertising privileges restored, I’m not returning to normal (though I wouldn’t mind returning to my former workload). Dear souls have helped me embrace some changes I need to consider beyond just those related to Facebook and my business. It will be hard work, but I’m grateful for the support network that is daring me toward a better version of my eventual life story.
When I got the news that I could build ads again, I ugly-cried in my truck. Cathartic tears rinsed my face for probably 20 minutes. The relief felt like the moment captured in this photo—an extraordinary concoction of cathartic release, a vanquished fear, and a sense of freedom. (Yes, that’s me. And yes, that’s as exhilarating as it looks.)
I’ve been asked often over the past month, “How are you doing?” I haven’t known how to answer that question. But I now know something that I couldn’t find in the stats, spreadsheets, and crossed-off to-do lists I’ve used to tell myself I’m enough: I am surrounded by an admiration I must learn how to receive.
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