This piece was written for Relevant Magazine. You can read their version of the post here.
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Somehow, the reality show genre has not yet jumped the shark. Hollywood producers keep finding new ways to keep old reality show concepts fresh.
There’s one twist they haven’t tried yet, though. Instead of making the token Christian contestants be the awkward, crazy characters, what if the whole show had a church twist? Church culture has some prime licensing tie-ins that network executives cannot ignore.
Potlucks, Picnics, and Fellowships
Guy Fieri visits underrated and unique church gatherings around the US of A. Shut the front door of your carpeted gym, these are Southern Baptist-size servings and the wildest ingredients in Flavortown.
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Baptism Tank
Mark Cuban and three megachurch pastors evaluate Acts 29 church planter plans. “We’ve seen multi-site and home church. We want something with a patent.”
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Catfishers of Men
Victims discover that people witnessing to them were actually atheists. “Next, you’re going to tell me that K-LOVE is not safe for the whole family, aren’t you!?”
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Undercover Pastors
Disguised clergy work as restaurant servers on Sunday afternoons to get authentic feedback on sermons. Some of the helpful tips arrive, transcribed on tracts that look like $100 bills.
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Keeping Up with the Calvanists
Why marry Yeezus, when you were predestined to be the bride of Christ? This reality series is for everyone who has ever asked, “Why are these people famous?” Just when you thought the absurdity of the zeitgeist proves free will, this show presents evidence to the contrary.
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The Real Housewives of the Nursery
On this spinoff, you won’t see as much Botox—or any cloth diapers. Trusting parents will secretly be given a second pager from the production crew for situations that actually need their attention.
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Big Brother: Lock-In
Youth groups vote to see who stays at the longest church all-nighter ever. The last remaining couple gets to watch a PG movie without leaving room for the Holy Spirit (with the lights on, but still).
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America’s Next Top “Smokin’ Hot” Youth Pastor’s Wife
After widespread Christian support of sexually inappropriate politicians, show runners expect a ministry beauty pageant to be a big hit. To make winning more challenging, contestants won’t be able sing or play the piano to impress the judges.
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Whose Announcement Is It Anyway?
A standup/improv show filmed before & during offering, where the Jesus points don’t matter. Weekly winners get to be included in the sermon podcast.
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Preschoolers & Pulpits
Move over “Toddlers & Tiaras!” These first graders preach their way to book deals. Or therapy. Maybe both.
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Amazing gRace
How fast can you pass out gospel tracts on the six populated continents? The first pair to complete each stage gets 100 bonus Instagram likes (from network interns and employees).
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Pimp My Pastor’s Ride
Various megachurch pastors from Texas host a surprise makeover each week to illustrate how the [prosperity] gospel can seriously upgrade your whip. The catch phrase of each reveal is, “Low profiles show off your humility.”
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If none of these pilots get produced, maybe we as a Christian community will come up with an original idea. Now that Tripp Crosby has all those Los Angeles connections, the sky’s the limit.
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