The Outfitter, my church’s bookstore, holds hundreds of titles on the shelves to go with a bunch of CD’s, DVD’s, and Blue Ridge-branded apparel. I don’t go in there often, because I absorb books via audio format these days. A few weeks ago, though, I was curious about a particular book and perused the shelves. I found two copies of it wedged between a hardback by a controversial megachurch pastor and a paperback by a Super Bowl-winning coach—five titles down from the best book I’ve read apart from the Bible: Love Does.
I was looking for Word on the Street, because it was the tenth anniversary of its publishing.
I know this because it was my book. By that, I mean it was the one I wrote.
It was also the one I paid to publish in 2004 after The Writer’s Edge (a Christian literary consultancy) gave it their highest manuscript rating. No major faith-based publisher would touch it. I was told I would need to sell 10,000 copies on my own before any of them would touch it.
To date, I’ve sold maybe 100 copies. At least 20 of those were purchased by the author to give as gifts. I don’t know if that speaks more to my lack of salesmanship or its lack of compelling content. Either way, I’m not surprised by its poor showing; and I’m not really disappointed, either. I wrote the book to prove I could.
This past weekend, after reflecting on the Publications line in my LinkedIn profile I decided to reread Word on the Street. I wanted to see how my view of it had changed in the years since I last read it. Here were my takeaways.
I’m further down the journey.
I found at least one entire chapter that I would expunge if there were ever a second edition. I cringed inside as I read both bad writing and bad theology. That said, part of me was reassured by printed evidence that I’ve learned and grown since that time. If there were no evidence of change, I would be even more embarrassed.
I still struggle with many of the same issues.
I have a theory that pastors tend to teach and preach most about the issues with which they struggle. It makes sense: if they find it helpful, so would an audience. I hadn’t really thought of applying that to authors, but this book could make that case. Many of my temptations and entanglements today echo those of a decade ago, even if manifested in different ways. Because of that, the spiritual truths and questions proved good reminders for 2014 me.
I still don’t think my book is my best writing.
I worked hard on Word on the Street. I edited that thing over and over again. I love some of the lines and even some of the premises. But it’s not my best work. My best poetry will never be read by anyone but my wife. My most powerful words don’t get published, as they’re hand written in cards. My most relevant content and valuable information is saved for this blog.
I’m less likely to write another book now than I was in 2005.
Word on the Street required a lot of discipline to finish, even though my schedule was far freer then than it is now. My wife and I didn’t own a TV—or Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram accounts. We attended church, but I didn’t really serve there. I wasn’t running a business, going on grand adventures, or maintaining a blog. I can’t imagine trying to squeeze that much writing into my schedule now. I think I could do it, but I wouldn’t want to sacrifice some of the things I love to do it.
I still don’t consider the book a failure.
My alma mater shunned my book, even though it was the first by a graduate of their writing program. I’ve dropped between $2,000 and $3,000 on the project. A church friend found a signed copy at Goodwill, and I purchased a signed copy back on Amazon. My guess is that The Outfitter hasn’t moved any copies. Nobody (other than me) has been profoundly impacted by its contents, as far as I know.
That’s all okay. I have a copy on my bookshelf. It has an ISBN and a page on Amazon. I can request it at the counter at Barnes & Noble. I’m on the same sales shelf as Bob Goff! To high school and college Ryan, those indicate a dream come true. Reading that book reminded me that I can conquer a challenge, if I set my mind to it. I needed that reminder, as I’ve got some big challenges to conquer in the next decade of my life.
