Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram have only exacerbated the most contentious election of our lifetime. I haven’t seen any stats, but it’s a safe bet that more people have been blocked or unfriended over the past few months than over any time during the last decade.
Still, there’s a sense that social media will grow more civil after the election results have been tabulated.
We can hope.
The vitriol won’t go out with a whimper. Regardless of who wins, I guarantee you will see more than a few of these posts the day after the election.
“No matter who is president, God is still king.”
Expect heavy usage of the words “sovereignty” and “throne.” There’s no voting in heaven, after all. Be on the lookout for photos of lions and screen captures from YouVersion like: “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the Lord; he turns it wherever he will.”
“I’m praying for our president, regardless who is in that office.”
This one is closely related. There’s a good chance that this condescending reminder will join some version of “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual darkness in high places.”
“America, we’re being judged for our sins.”
Don’t be surprised if there’s a mention of Genesis 19:28 or similar reference to Sodom and Gomorrah. This might arrive with a rainbow emoji to assure us that it won’t end with a Day After Tomorrow flood.
“I thought it would be safe to return from my Facebook fasting. Boy, was I wrong!”
This will be posted by the same person that had to warn you that they’re leaving Facebook for a while. This passive aggression is typically framed as though Facebook involvement is their problem, but we all know their trumpeted exit was meant to be an indictment of those of us who stayed.
“Read your Bible. Jesus is coming soon.”
They may or may not reference the Antichrist. They might also include a link to an hour-long YouTube video showing how the timelines of Revelations and Daniel intersect with the 2016 American national election.
“I didn’t vote for either of these evils.”
This replaces the “Don’t blame me. I voted for [the candidate with fewer votes],” bumper stickers from our youth. By going the neither route, these folks are hoping to keep above the fray. Sadly, these posts will be bombarded with comments of people blaming them for not voting for the losing party.
“I wonder who would be president if dead people weren’t allowed to vote.”
Extra points if you see this one with a photo of them wearing an “I voted” sticker—still, a day later.
“I need to get away for a few days.”
The vapors! Pearls will be clutched. Hey, everybody makes peace with fate in different ways.
“Time to get to work to pay the new taxes for what we just voted for.”
It’ll be hump day, anyway. So, this one won’t be too out of the ordinary. Still, espressos on the house for everyone!
“No matter who you voted for, you are still my friend; and I will treat you with respect.”
This will probably be Photoshopped onto an unrelated photo from Google Images with a really poor font choice. They’re not asking you to tell them how you voted, but they are asking for affirmation. Be careful. If you comment, the notifications won’t end for a few days.
“Man! I missed Taco Tuesday!?”
Someone will try to lighten the mood, pretending they don’t know anything momentous just happened. People Are Awesome and Upworthy videos will see record numbers of retweets and shares. Bloggers, this is the day to re-release your most hopeful post.
Those of you with the gift of prophecy, please tell me I’m wrong. I really don’t want to live with the ramifications of being right.
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Stock photo purchased from iStockPhoto.com
All other images linked to respective sources.
