When I travel for business, I almost always travel alone. The airports are full of solo flyers, and nobody questions why nobody accompanies me.
When I go on vacation by myself, though, people seem surprised to learn that I didn’t bring my wife.
“It’s just you?”
Sometimes, it is just me. Other times, I’m traveling in a group of backpackers without my wife. My wife travels internationally for social justice and religious missions multiple times a year, often as a translator. Other times, she heads to the beach alone or with her girlfriends. My vacations typically involve safety harnesses, hostels, or blogging. My wife’s trips usually include reading, journaling, or salsa dancing.
She and I just celebrated our fifteenth anniversary with a fantastic, fulfilling week together in Costa Rica. We both believe in the value of shared getaways, but we also have found the following eight benefits of separate travel.
Full Recharge
If you’re doing vacations correctly, you arrive home rejuvenated and ready for the strain of your daily responsibilities. Social science studies have shown that anticipation of a great vacation also increases mood and productivity prior to departure. The way to maximize that pre-charge and recharge is to venture to the places and activities with the most regenerative power. Unless the same things fill both your batteries, the most effective and efficient charging will come on separate trips.
New Conversations
Few things infuse new conversations into an established relationship like separate travel. You can’t come home without new stories. As the homebound spouse, you also gain new insight into your spouse—what they value and enjoy—as well as fresh knowledge you didn’t have to learn in a way uncomfortable for you.
The Perspective of Distance
G. K. Chesterton wrote, “The point of travel is not to set foot on foreign land; it is at last to set foot on one’s own country as foreign land.” More times than not, absence does make the heart grow fonder. It can also give proper scale to job stress and relational challenges, daily routines and life patterns. Solo travel offers an almost unmatched opportunity for solitude and introspection, journaling and processing. Don’t discount the possibility of bumping into a new, alternative solution to share with your partner upon your return.
Supplemental Friendships
All committed relationships benefit from each partner having healthy friendships with other caring, insightful adults. The list of couples with whom both you and your partner would eagerly vacation proves a lot shorter than the list of individual traveling companions you would respectively enjoy. Few things offer a chance to grow deeper in a friendship like shared travel, mission, and adventure. Also, flying solo makes it easier to befriend folks you meet during your travels and explore with them.
Less Logistical Hassle
If you’re traveling separately, you don’t have to worry about kenneling the pets, holding the mail, finding a trustworthy guardian for your children, and timing that last pre-vacation grocery purchase just right. With one spouse free to make an airport run, you usually don’t have to leave a vehicle at the (expensive) airport parking lot. If one of you must travel during a family function, one of you can represent your household.
Flexible Scheduling
It’s much easier to schedule vacations, when you have to account for only one spouse’s work situation at a time. If you work in a family business, this is even more true. Also, favorite activities and locations often have predetermined optimum seasons, which may not be conducive for the other partner’s perennial overtime or blackout months. Instead of crossing one partner’s dreams off the list, consider separate travel.
Argument Prevention
Some of the biggest arguments in my marriage have been over shared vacations. With the limited time and resources most Americans have for vacations, the stakes are high to make the most of them. Separate travel can alleviate a lot of that pressure, especially if the trips are funded by your respective piggy banks.
Opportunity for Surprise
If you or your spouse like creating surprises for the other, separate travel offers great opportunities for this. Having a partner out of the area for a week or two can give you the time, space, and freedom to organize a party, build a scavenger hunt, release a series of timed notes, or complete a home remodeling project. “I’ve got a happy surprise for you, when you get home,” builds beneficial anticipation into your relationship.
Do spend intentional time with your spouse—at home and while traveling. Do work on joint vacation solutions that are more about mutual enjoyment than about compromise. Don’t underestimate the value of solo travel, though; and don’t worry about what others think about your ensuing choices.
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Image purchased from iStockPhoto.com
