Size Kills

This has to be the first time I had an idea that environmentalists would love.
I’m not an SUV hater. I own one. I don’t care how many miles a gallon your vehicle averages. It’s your money, and China’s demand affects my gas prices more than your full tank. If you need the status symbol, you should be able to compensate.
I just don’t like driving them. I’ve wrestled a Wrangler and a Land Rover, a Navigator and an H3. At about 65 or 70, I’m at my limit—definitely nervous in DC beltway throngs. Curvy Virginia highways bring me down to posted speeds—Colorado interstates even worse.
In my Cooper S, though, it’s all I can do to keep it within a 10 spot of the limit, some days 20. Yet, there they are, right there. As I play Frogger across four lanes of varyingly-slow cars, so does a navy Explorer or black Blazer. Or both.
So, what’s the big deal? Isn’t it hypocritical to condemn someone else for doing what you are?
Science says that speed [velocity] times size [mass] equals momentum. In other words, you can increase the damage and danger to others of a vehicle by making it faster . . . or bigger. If this formula holds true—all other factors being equal (which I know they’re not)—a Yukon is more deadly at the speed limit than I am at TWICE the posted limit.
I’m not asking for that kind of leniency or even higher speed limits. We’ve got a pretty decent system in most states for calculating safe speed at nighttime or in rainy weather—the basis for the numbers on the white signs.
You can’t have multiple speed limits for different vehicles. But you can (as Virginia currently does) have different fines for different drivers. So, rather than exact $5 per mile over the speed limit, you’d penalize a half penny per mile over times the number of pounds shown on the curb weight sticker on your door.
For my Cooper, a 10-over ticket would be $136.15. My wife’s Kia Sportage thus fined would run $176.35. Drive an Explorer? How ’bout $238.85? Waiting for profiling, rolling on 22’s in your Escalade? Try $282.25. Your yellow H2 would ring you a tidy $320 [vehicle weights as disclosed by their manufacturers online].
The local or state authorities would make more money in revenue. As documented in multiple US jurisdictions, there’s already a reward system for certain kinds or quantities of tickets. So, troopers and other bears could basically work on behalf of the government by commission. They’d get a choice between 20-over Boxsters and 5-over Excursions.
Positive side effects to this system would include helping car pool moms (the second highest insurance rate other than drivers 16-25) pay closer attention to the road. It’d keep old farts in land yachts from setting that cruise control so high on the interstate. (Don’t worry truckers: they can develop a different system for commercial vehicles.)
Soccer moms, wouldn’t it reassure you that school bus drivers would fear to zoom through your subdivision, like they do in mine? Marijuana activists and environmental groups, you could sell even more Prius sedans. Detroit, you wouldn’t have to figure out hybrids and alternate fuels to keep up with Japan.
And I could draft that Suburban with New Jersey plates all the way to my parents’ house.
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